Social Media Serenity
This week, my Bluesky feed wanted me to care about congestion pricing in New York City. Actually, it wanted me to care about bias in the New York Times’ reporting on congestion pricing in NYC. Every time I logged in, I saw angry/sarcastic post after post about the way the Times was unfairly pulling out anecdotal examples of people being negatively affected by this policy. I do not live in New York City, let alone drive there. I don’t have a subscription to the NY Times. I will never cast a ballot in an election that has any impact on congestion pricing there. To tell you the truth, I don’t really understand what congestion pricing is, and the only reason I have a sense of which side of the culture wars I’m “expected” to be on for this issue is the identity and writing style of the people I see posting about it. And yet, I keep reading the posts and I actually start to find myself getting angry about this. This is the polar opposite of recognizing and accepting the things I cannot change, and it makes it harder for me to summon the courage to change the things I actually can.
After I wrote that paragraph, I switched tabs over to Bluesky and scrolled through the “Discover” page—- there are posts about the wildfires in California, the fact that every app on the internet is getting worse, the negative impact of private equity on hospitals, Mark Zuckerberg changing the moderation policies on Facebook, and anxiety over the fact that Donald Trump might pardon rioters from January 6th. The only one of those things that my actions could have nay kind of an impact one is the Facebook thing, and I doubt my individual decision to engage with various Meta products will have much impact on their policies. Social media connects me to the world, but when it specifically connects me to the world’s problems, it makes me feel like I need to do something about them. And I can’t. So it makes me anxious and miserable. It makes me feel helpless, and makes it easy for me to despair. None of which is good for my day to day life—- it makes me worse at my job, worse around my family, less able to engage with my hobbies, and more likely to lose my sobriety.
The solution, for me, is to focus on the Serenity Prayer. I start by asking for the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, and the first step there is to stop actively looking for issues that I can’t do anything about. I stop looking at social media, or I actively curate my feeds to see things I know what trigger a doom spiral. When I do need to focus on those big issues, I force myself to mediate on whether or not they have any impact on me (congestion pricing in New York) and whether I could do anything about them (wildfires in California).
Second, I ask for the courage to change the things I can. That’s what this project is—- this blog is part of a website for a fundraising campaign I’m trying to run for the National Diaper Bank Network. I’m not going to solve diaper need with this campaign, but if I can raise even enough money to buy a box of diapers (which I’ve already exceeded) then I will be changing something for the better. Yesterday, it was bitter cold outside and the snow had not been properly removed from the roads in my neighborhood, but I went for my run with my dog anyway—- it took courage, but I changed a little bit of my physical fitness, improved my mental health, and made my dog happier. To publicize my fundraising project, I’m going to run 5 half marathons in 5 states next July—- it will take a kind of courage, but I think it will help produce some change, and it will change my self esteem and sense of the world, all of which will make me a better husband, father, and teacher.
Finallly, I ask for the wisdom to know the difference. Part of that is simply allowing myself to recognize the meaningful things I have accomplished—- today, I made breakfast for my kids, I taught three classes, and compromised with my wife to make a childcare plan for the evening that makes sense for both of us, and I wrote this blog post. It’s easy for me to overlook those things, but I have to take the time to celebrate them—- my natural inclination is to think that anything I do successfully is just baseline competency, but sometimes I really have done a good job. I also have to forgive myself when things that I attempt to change fall short of my expectations—- this fundraising campaign has not been the roaring success I hoped it would be when I launched it and it’s easy for me to beat myself up over that, but once I’ve managed it to the best of my abilities, I have to recognize that it’s ultimate success is outside of my control. There is a real arrogance in me getting frustrated with myself for not doing things well enough that everything in my life works out the way I want it to. If I get angry at myself for failing, it implies that, if I only tried hard enough, I could do literally whatever I wanted, which of course I can’t. Recognizing the difference means accepting both life’s successes and disappointments as being sometimes outside of our control.
Anyway writing this kept me from forming any anxiety about the parking situation in New York. If you read this far, please consider making even a small donation to my campaign—- you can use the “Donate” button at the top of this page. Thanks! Talk to you next time!
